It takes patience to keep a nagging wife; fortune to keep an ambitious wife; four eyes to keep a pretty wife.
Sometimes you might catch me staring at you. It's not because you are cute but bcoz my mom told me that devils have tails and I'm just wondering where's yours?
Wife: I Have Changed My Mind.
Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?
A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there thatu were not supposed to see?
Boy: Yes, I saw dad!
Pappu: Dad, mein biwi nu sms kita ki main Raat nu aunga, ghar aaya te kisi hor de nal suti
Dad: Puttar galti mobile company di aa, jede time nal sms nahi bhejde!
Elephant falls in Luv with Ant, but Ant's parents were against their marriage. Guess why?
They gave a Solid Reason: Kehnde Munde de dand Bahar ne.
Gud Morning! Aap ye soch rahe honge ki Raat ko Gud Morning kaise?
Simple! Phone mera, Paise mere, Msg mera, toh marzi bhi meri! Jo marzi aayega wo bhejunga.
Education is incomplete without 5 B's
B - Bikes
B - Beers
B - Babes
B - Bunks and the most important
B - Backlogs!
Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced
that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did.
Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing?
Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u?
2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!
Ladkiyan apna dupatta ladke k samne aane k baad hi kyon theek karti hain?
Luteron ko dekh kar hi Daulat ki hifazat ka khayal Aata hai!
Why are Egyptian Children always confused?
Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.
Height of Marwari Kanjusi: Looking for a second Hand Tata Nano Car.......preferably with
Hasi ke liye gam kurban, khushi ke liye aansoo kurban, dost ke liye jan bhi kurban, agar
dost ki girlfreind mil jaye to saala dost bhi kurban.
Doctor to Lady: U r looking so weak and exhausted ! Are U properly taking 3 meals a day as
I had advised ?
Lady: Oh my God ! I heard 3 Males per day !
Everything about you is perfect - your lips, your skin, your eyes, your body. Perfect! You're lucky to be born beautiful,
not like me, who was born to be a big liar.
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.
Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy!
Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ?
"Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"
A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!
At a party, someone yelled: All married guys plz stand next to one person who has made ur life worth living.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Suraj ki pahli kiran aapko Khusi de... Dusri kiran hasi de... Teesri tandurasti... Chouthi kamyabi... Bas ab aur nahi garmi
lagegi. Good Day.
Ek Gujju ka sapne mein kisi ne rape kar diya di. Next day Gujju ne apna Bank acccount band karwa diya kyon ki Bank mein
likha tha: Hum aap k Sapno ko Haqeeqat mein badal denge.
Amitabh: Mere pas Gaadi he, Banglaw hai, Bank Balance hai, tumhare paas kya hai?
Shashi: Mere paas bhi Gaadi hai, Bunglaw hai, Bank Balance hai...
Silence for few Minutes...
Amitabh: Abey to phir Maa kahana hai?
Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist?
Buffalo par baithe ek jaat koTRAFFIC police ne rok k puchha: Aap ka helmet kahan hai? Fine lagega.
Jaat: Re baawale, dhayan se dekh Neeche, 4 wheeler hai !
Baap: Beta maine tere liye ek ladki dekhi hai, Vo Roopvati, Gunvati, or Sarasvati hai.
Beta: Lekin papa mein kisi or se pyar karta hoon or vo.. Garbhvati hai.
Gandhigiri ki safalta ke baad, pesh hai. Messagegiri jisme aap msg kare ya na kare, ham msg bhejte rahenge, kabhi to aapko
sharm aayegi. Gud Day!
Doctor, cut off my dog's tail.
Vet: Why do u want to do that?
Coz my mom-in-law is visiting us & I don't want anything to make her think she's welcomed.
Most of my friends are normal, sane, cultured, decent, intellectual & well-behaved persons... Just wanna thank you for
breaking the monotony!
Police arrestd a drunkard & askd: Where r u goin?
Man: I'm goin 2 listen lecture on ill effcts of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnite?
Man: My wife...
Grammar Teacher: Rahul sharaab Nahin Peeta Hai. Is sentence mein Rahul kya hai?
Pappu: Madam! Rahul chutiya hai...
Valentine special: Dunyia wich reh k rangaa wich kho jao.. Kise nu apna bana lao ya kise da ho jao.. Je kuchh vi ni hunda taan....Chakko Rajaai te so jao.
I Love You is 8 letters long. Then again, so is bullshit.
Q: Which type of Women wear Revealing Clothes?
A: Those who don't have Confidence in the Imaginative powers of Men
Law Professor: Which is the most important LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
Agar aap chahte hain k apke face pe dhool-mitii na lage to Roz subah lagaiye Asian Paints ka Apex Ultima jo dhool-mitti ko tikne na de!
What’s the biggest pressure for Pak captain when Pak needs 1 run to win in 8 ovrs, with 5 wickets in hand?
Ya Allah! How to speak English in presentation ceremony?
Alcohol contain female hormones. Proof: Men gain weight, talk unnecessarily, become extra emotional & stupid, start fighting without any reason.
Advice of dentist. "Treat ur girl friend like a toothbrush. Don't let any body else use it, and get a new one every three months.
Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!
What building has the most stories?
A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.
Asmaan mai tum ho, samundar mai tum ho, zamin pe tum, hawa mai tum, jahan b dekho tum hi tum ho. DOMEX wali aunty thik kehti thi KITANU har jagah hote hain.
Girl announced her engagement to her father.
Father: Does this fellow has any money?
Girl: Oh! Dad, U men r all alike, thats exactly what he asked me about u!
Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!